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Great Sex

At a party, Bob encounters his ex girlfriend Ellen. They get to talking, one thing leads to another, and they end up back at his place. Before they know it, they end up in bed. The next morning, things have changed between them - and neither know how to deal with it. They broke up because they just couldn't get along with each other. Now they've had a nice evening together and the kind of sex you can only have with someone who already knows you and what you like. And it's with the last person you'd want to start a relationship with. It happens a lot - a few months after people break up.

The tensions and old arguments that kept them from getting along seem a lot less relevent - and a lot more like yesterday's news. But all the things that attracted you to that person in the first place are still there. And you know each other from your time together - each knows what the other likes sexually, how they like to be kissed, what words they like to hear... When all the problems between you seem less urgent and less relevant, the things you liked about each other can become a lot more obvious.

So you've spent some time together and it was nice, you've made love and it was great - only now you're feeling sort of awkward. After all, this is also the woman you didn't feel you could live with. And now what if she feels that ending up in bed with you means your relationship is back on? It could happen like that. Or you could be the one that finds that after a night together without all the problems that broke you up, you'd like to try again.

There are a lot of problems with this scenario. First off, one of you might not want to try the relationship again. You probably broke up for good reasons, and those reasons will rear their ugly heads again. Also it isn't uncommon that one or both of you are seeing other people by now. It is very possible that although you really enjoyed the time you spent, and the sex, that this in no way means you'd like to re-establish your old relationship.

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What do you do if she asks if you're going to call her? Let's face it, this situaion is as uncomfortable as it is common. After a history of romance and breaking up, you're not going to see each other as "just friends". And there is very little you can say that isn't going to be pretty awkward in this situation. In fact, it may be squirmingly uncomfortable. But be honest. Let her know that although you had a great time, you do feel awkward about it. You aren't ready to start dating her again.

Some guys in this situation will try to lie or omit in order to keep from feeling like a bad guy, or to avoid confrontation. But you will certainly have a lot more confrontation if you let her believe that all the problems of a few months ago are behind you now, and that you are happy to continue the relationship you broke off a while back. A lot of people will tell themselves - and each other - it was just sex. We're friends. It won't change anything. But they're fooling themselves. Sex with someone you have a romantic history with is probably going to change things. One or both of you may now feel territorial after sex. One of you may continue to date the new person you were seeing, and this can lead to loud misunderstandings.

If you can't turn down sex with your ex, at least put all the cards on the table in advance. Make sure you both know that although you are attracted to each other and comfortable with each other, that what you are about to do does not mean you are back together. This probably won't keep misunderstandings from rearing up, but if you stay honest, at least neither of you will be able to say they were mislead.

That said, sex with the ex is often the best - but it isn't usually worth the emotional price tag that comes with it.

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